I have a co-worker who is in her mid-30's... I'm in my late 40's so we are not the same generation, really. But we became good friends anyway. Vicky is tender-hearted and funny and has a lot of good qualities. She does annoy people, though, because she is very needy. Except she really isn't. What I mean is, she constantly seeks reassurance that she is doing things correctly when she already knows that she is. And even when she's doing something new, her judgment is very sound and she has a lot of common sense and attention to detail, so she's almost always doing things right. Or if she isn't, when she explains why she did what she did, it makes perfect sense. based on what she knew at the time. So she is not REALLY needy, but she likes to have the validation anyway.
I like Vicky a lot, and I don't even mind the neediness (although I do tend to speak sharply to her and I don't like myself like that, but eventually you just need to say "Oh, for crying out loud!" or you'll go nuts with all her questions.) But there's always been one very large stumbling block in our relationship and that is her complete inability to keep a date. Vicky's idea of being somewhere on time is to call you five minutes before she's supposed to meet you to tell you why she's running two hours behind. I told her flat out before that I feel this constant lateness is a bid for attention. "If you're never where you're supposed to be when you're supposed to be there, then you are always the center of attention," I told her once. Her solution was that we stop trying to do fun things together. Sad solution, but there it was.
So for a long time, we just didn't go places together. But then there a couple of events that we both would enjoy came along and so we tried getting together to go to them and it went pretty well. I had some hopes that she was maturing. Also, her supervisor got more strict about her overtime and so she stopped working so many hours, which helped some because she was getting more rest. Because Vicky's big thing is not being able to get up on time. And by on time, I don't mean 6:30 am or something. She works the night shift, like me, and though she is married, she has no kids so she can pretty much get up when she pleases most days. Even so, getting up is a HUGE obstacle for her.
Back in September, one of my friends that had gone with me on the Isle Royale work trip sent a little homemade video of the trip to me on DVD. I didn't want to bore that many people with it, but I thought maybe I could get Vicky to watch it with me, so I went to invite her to come to my cubicle on her lunch hour. "Bring your supper to my desk and we'll watch this video," I told her.
Well, immediately she started whining. She didn't feel well. Her boss gave her too much work (although she is always crying for more overtime.) The test she did last night failed. She had to go to sample storage. Etc, etc. "It sounds like you need to take a rest at lunch," I said lightly. "Come over anyway." She said okay. But of course, she didn't come.
Weeks went by and she never came over to say "sorry I couldn't make it, can we do it another time." I could have gone to her lab but I was sulking. She didn't seem to notice. Once we bumped into each other while working and she started in telling me all her family's issues without giving me a chance to get a word in edgewise, so I didn't bother. I just nodded and went on with my work. My birthday came and went without a card or anything from her, so I followed her cue and ignored hers as well.
Then suddenly, out of the blue, she came and found me one night at work. "I want to go out for a Christmas lunch with you," she said.
I was so HAPPY. For once, I didn't have to issue the invitation! For once, she was taking the initiative and promising to meet me somewhere for something fun. (Because whenever we did anything, it always had to be me driving it. She would never take the responsibility.) "That would be great!" I said. "I'd love that!" So we made a date for 11:30 am the following Wednesday.
Wednesday morning came. I got up early. I got ready. I rearranged my day to free the time we had set up for lunch even though I had lots of things to do to get ready for the kittens. At 10:30 the phone rang and I didn't even have to pick it up but I did anyway. There was Vicky in her whiny little girl voice. "I had to work SO LATE last night," she whined. "I just CAN'T get up. Can we go next week instead?"
I said yes and hung up. But all day I was in a bad mood. And I was still in a bad mood that night at work. And I thought, this has gone on long enough. So I called her into my lab where we couldn't be overheard and I told her that I was done. Just done. "You have jerked me around for the last time," I told her.
She looked at me blankly, like she had no clue. "How did I jerk you around," she said. I just looked at her. Duh. Then she added, "I didn't mean to." And in her mind, that solved everything.
But not to me. "Vicky, do you ever stop to think how other people feel when you constantly break your promises? It says to the other person, 'I don't value you.' Do you not get that?"
More blank looks.
I sighed. "We're just done here. It's not worth being jerked around like this." Then I went on about my business and left her standing there with her mouth open.
It makes me sad, but sometimes you just have to admit defeat and give up. Vicky isn't going to change, and I don't have time to keep following this trail of broken promises anymore. Sometimes you just have to admit that the friendship is toxic and cut your losses.
Elementary school: bully or bullied? Neither; made fun of a bit as a first grader because I was so naive, but then I sort of established myself as a brain and so I earned this grudging respect that carved out a little safety zone for me. But I was never one of the "in" crowd.
Dream job? I have it. I am an analytical chemist and develop methods to test pharmaceutical products for a contract research organization. It has flexible hours and just enough stress.
Glass: half-full or half-empty? The glass is always half-full because ultimately, God is doing the pouring.
Ever broken a body part? If so, what? Actually, no. I'm not enough of a risk-taker, LOL.
How many car accidents have you been in? Four.
Ever caused a car accident? Yes. Three of them. But the last one was twenty years ago, so I finally got the hang of keeping the car between the ditches.
Ever been sent to the principal's office? Are you kidding? I was so much teacher's pet that they patted me on the head out of habit.
Most beautiful (inside) person you know? That's kind of tough; I'm a Libra so I see everyone as having beauty and flaws in roughly equal parts.
How do you relax? I lurk at SOC, LOL.
Social butterfly or wallflower? Wallflower, though not on purpose. I'm just rather socially inept (unless I'm in a room full of elderly people or kids, then I feel sure of what to do.)
Your biggest question about life? Why don't people understand that if everyone builds a cabin in the woods, there will be no more woods left?
Secret keeper or blabbermouth? Secret keeper. I've been very burned by talking out of turn years ago, so now, if you need it kept quiet, I'm your girl.
What makes you cry? What doesn't? I cry easily at anything touching. I was bawling my head off the other day over a country song about a guy writing a letter to reassure his seventeen-year-old self on how life would turn out for him.
Name of future children: Boy? Girl? Ummmm, that ship has sailed, and it didn't leave any kids behind it. Which is okay because I was pretty scared of parenting a teenager. (No offense to teenagers, but you have to know you're not that easy to care for properly!) However, I did always think it would be cool to have triplets and name them Timmy, Tammy and Tommy. Or, being a chemist, they could be named Chlorine, Fluorine, and Bromine and be called Chlo, Flo and Bro for short.
Who's your favorite relative? My youngest brother
What was your last dream? I dreamed that I went home to visit my parents and their house was gone.
What makes you crazy? Cell phones. Anyplace, anytime, anywhere. I think that cell phones ought to be designed to deliver a mild.... well, not too mild, mind you... electrical shock to anyone who is talking on one and whose voice exceeds a normal conversational tone. "Can you hear me NOW?" Apparently not.
I wish I could tap dance. Terrifying vision, I know, but I've been watching "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and Julie Andrews and Mary Tyler Moore are just so darn cute tap dancing in that elevator that I can't help but covet the talent.
Stick shift, automatic, or can't drive yet? You know, I love a stick shift, but as a rule you can't get a stick shift with leather seats and the leather seats win every time.
Which appointment is worse: doctor or dentist? Meh. I don't stress over either.
Ever been to the emergency room? Yes, when a friend's dog attacked me.
Worry wart or worry free? A nice, Libran in-between.
Bicycle through Europe or African Safari? Ooooh. Europe. But you better be coming with me because I'm not too thrilled about traveling abroad.
Favorite food court place? Must we? I'd rather wait and get a proper meal later. (Johnny Rockets, eh, Cheater? I'll keep a look-out next time I'm in the MOA.)
Ice cubes or crushed ice? Ice cubes. But littlish ones.
What do you like on your burger? To save calories, I've trained myself to eat burgers with barbecue sauce on the side. But I secretly want cheese.
Favorite fast food? Subway, if we must.
Do you know sign language? No. I'm too uncoordinated.
Favorite department store? The DAYTON'S in downtown Mpls (they can change the name if they want, but it's still Dayton's to me.)
How old were you when you learned to swim? Ummm. still waiting.
I would love to try drawing lessons ('cause I don't think the tap dancing is gonna work out.)
Who do you admire most? John Dunn. He leads our Isle Royale work trips and gives so much time and energy to the park for free.
Bikini or board shorts? Oh please. I don't even know what board shorts are, and there's no one in the universe who would vote to see me in a bikini.
Worst movie ever? Is it one I would have had to have seen? Because I don't go to many movies, thus I pretty much only see ones I really want to see. I don't think it was a bad movie, but I guess the one I liked the least was "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." Just not my thing, though I like musicals. (It wasn't my idea to go see it, either, so that's part of the ambivalence.) Burt Reynolds never impressed me much for me. I'm not really into guys who think they're cute. 
Favorite kind of cookie? The chocolate covered ones with carmel inside that the Girl Scouts sell (at least around here.) I forget the name though.
Best commercial? The PBS one where the skunk comes in the house and you think it's invading then you see it's their pet. And I like the point of it: "Be more open-minded."
A word or phrase you say a lot? "How cute is that!" (Been saying it a lot since I got kittens.)
scrapbookingclosing
Anyway, today I have a sad thing to write about. For a year and a half I have been patronizing a scrapbooking store called Paperoni. And today, first day of the new year, I open my e-mail to see their January newsletter in my inbox. Hooray! Check when the sales are, check when the all-night crops are being held... maybe I'll take a Friday night off from work, even, if there aren't any Saturdays scheduled. But instead of bonus buy days and crops, the newsletter just says "Sorry. We're closing."
Well, it's not like I don't know that small business owners have the deck stacked against them, especially in the scrapbooking business. Not that it's hard to spend a lot of money on scrapbook supplies, but... it's the kind of business where you have to turn over nearly all your merchandise on a regular basis in order for your customers to have new inspirations. And you have to be in a really high traffic area in order to pull in enough paper artists to do that. You have to compete with AC Moore and Michaels and all the other chain stores that can routinely run supplies at 40% off. So I know the decision to close is probably a practical one. But I reserve the right to be sad all the same.
Although it flies in the face of logic, I almost think Paperoni would have been better off to park itself right next door to ACMoore (which, in our community, is directly across the street from a Michael's.) Kind of like fast food places that bunch themselves all in a row. Paperoni carried unusual items and different brand names than the others do... they could have dropped adhesives and other ordinary items and only carried things the chains don't have. But the rent in the higher profile shopping centers would probably have eaten up their newly won profits anyway.
Well, now what will do on Saturday nights? No cozy store to hang out in until closing time, no place to learn all the latest fads in, no back room stuffed with snacks. And after closing, when the front doors were locked... no watching Roz (who is, after all, "DA BOSS") win at poker once the others tired of scrapping and turned to cards instead (me, I NEVER get tired of scrapping, so no poker for me.) Wait, did I say Roz won at poker? Maybe my memory is a little faulty there. But she would have enjoyed winning the most, so let's just say that she did.
I don't have a lot of friends (not the running around with kind of friends) and I have a feeling that though people will be determined to keep the circle going, without the store as a hub, we will all spin off in different directions. A sad thought for the first day of the new year. Here's hoping the next e-mail I get in 2008 brings better news.
So I thought I should do this survey so everyone will know I'm still alive.
What is your full name? Jan Elaine ******
Nickname? None, really, but I do like Mandolynn
Coke or Pepsi? COKE, or forget about it. Seriously. Just bring a glass of water. I'm esp. into Coke Zero.
Favorite song? Too hard to choose just one. "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" is right up there. (Not that I'm lonesome! It's just a very powerful song in its simplicity.)
Earliest memory? I think I remember my mom coming in the front door holding my brother when I was about three. I also remember being about that age and sneaking into the coal shed out back of our house to look around. My mother had told me not to go in the coal shed because there were rats out there. (There weren't, she just didn't want me to go in because I would get dirty.) But the next morning, when my mom was brushing my hair, she said, "Gosh, there sure are a lot of rats in your hair today," and I thought for sure she would know I'd been in the coal shed and that I would get a spanking!
Milk or dark chocolate? Dark. But not more than 70%. That 85% stuff just has no taste.
Do you recycle? Yes
Big Mac or Whopper? Ummm, no. Not since I met Dr. Phil and his diet.
Last book you read? "Thunderstruck", which is a true story that intersects how Marconi invented the wireless with the wireless being instrumental in the apprehension of a murderer. You really have to read the murder story to believe it.
Beach or mountains? Mountains... well, not so much mountains, but forest. Boreal forest, preferably.
What kind of shoes are you wearing? None... I've been too lazy to get dressed today so I'm still in my pj's.
TV or book? Threw out my television 18 months ago. Haven't missed it.
Favorite store? AC Moore or other scrapbooking haven
What was the last thing you ate? A delectable chocolate truffle that was a Christmas gift from one of the ladies in our writer's group.
Clean freak or total slob? I'm a Libra so I'm just kind of a neat slob.
Favorite car? I like my Highlander a lot.
Best gift you've ever recieved? My kittens.
Best gift you've ever given? One year I made a scrapbook for my mom of the mementos she saved when our baby brother died.
Do you wish on stars? No
Ever been stung by a jellyfish? No!!!! But I've been bitten by a squirrel.
Best cartoon ever? Bugs Bunny
What scares you? Blood.
Last person you spoke to? My kittens.
Favorite doughnut? I don't like donuts.
Stupidest thing you've ever done? We had an ice storm and in a misguided attempt to be helpful I tossed out kitty litter on the icy steps. But it was the clumping kind... what was I thinking!!! Of course when it got wet it just turned into slime and made the entire front walk into a glassy booby trap. (This was just last year.) I just bought some new clumping kitty litter for my new kittens and I discovered that now they actually label the bottle "DO NOT USE ON ICY STEPS." Thank goodness there's now a warning label.
Been to NYC? Yes. Don't need to go back.
Best sitcom ever? Are You Being Served? on BBC
Been to LA? No. Don't need to go.
Favorite place you've visited? Isle Royale National Park and Shenandoah National Park (tie)
Least favorite vegetable? Lima beans. Lima beans are not really edible, this is a myth.
Dreamer or doer? Ya know it's still that Libra thing so I'm a bit of both.
One word to describe you? Genius. No, really. (The clumping kitty litter on the icy steps notwithstanding.) You'd be amazed at all the things there are at work where I'm THE ONLY PERSON who can do them. Things like re-start the ice machine when it stalls (unplug it and plug it back in.) I was the only person, after a year and a half of multiple men working on it, who got the top drawer of the file cabinet to stay closed. I'm the only one who could keep the magnetic file folder from falling down (added velcro). There are all kinds of simple things that no one else knows how to clean up, put away or re-order. So I've thought it over carefully and have decided that I'm a genius. Just like last night. I was going down stairs when I met a girl who wanted me to help her carry a push cart up the stairs to the third floor "because the elevator won't come when I buzz for it." "Ummm," I said, "how about I go down and make the maintenance man UNLOCK it for you???? " (Because the most logical reason it won't come is that someone has the emergency lock on, and the most logical person to do that is a maintenance man.) So I went down to the first floor and voila! There he was, working away at repairing a loose tile in the floor of the car. He was more than happy to give my pretty young friend and her cart a ride to the third floor once I explained her problem. See what I'm saying? Pure genius. (Either that or common sense. But sometimes I suspect they're highly connected.)
Name of your very first friend? Jeana Buck.
If I could, I would change my first name to Nora, maybe; I like that name.
Night light or completely dark? Completely, totally, absolutely dark
Ever pull an all-nighter? If you mean work all night, sure, all the time, it comes with the burden of being a genius.
Believe in love at first sight? No. Second sight, maybe.
Best toppings for pizza? Nothing...I like mine with just cheese (jalapenos don't hurt anything.)
Ever owned a goldfish? If so, what was its name? Yes. Cleopatra. Cleo for short.
